A few pictures of recent events!

Aspen's 2nd Birthday!

Sophie and Rylee are getting so big.  

Daniel and Kaitlyn enjoying the snow.

Erika's Mission Farewell Dinner

Siblings at the MTC.  Erika is now in Ohio doing great!!

It has been longer then I thought....

I want you all to know I survived last semester and feel pretty good about the grades I received and feel even better about the knowledge I gained.  Life was pretty busy then and I thought I could relax a bit but something always seems to fill up the time.  We decided to add onto our house and that was a crazy project but we are very near the end and are very pleased with how it turned out.  There are so many amazingly talented people that made our house look great.  I am so glad that I do not have to make any more decisions.  My family will attest that I do NOT like making decisions!  But we all survived.    

Erika is doing well in Ohio!  She is having amazing experiences and learning so much.  She has had great companions.  Erika is one that gets along with everyone.  She has a way of making people smile and to see the happy side of life.  We are so proud of her!  I miss her like crazy but this past year has given me a different perspective.  She has a return home date that I look forward to, we get to email her every week and she writes great letters to us and we get to see her (Skype) on Mother's Day and Christmas!!  If only we could Skype Cole in heaven....      Even though it was hard to drop her off at the MTC I was excited for the mission experiences she was going to have, and is now having!

Some of you may wonder how we are doing as time passes with out Cole here physically.  Some times are still very hard.  Daren and I were talking last night and I was telling him I still feel like my world has been turned up side down.  I'm still trying to adjust to this "new normal".  It is just so hard when it is such a big change to what  one would expect.  We all have our lives planned out to a certain extent and when there is a big change in our plans its hard to "recalculate" our course so to speak.  The important thing to remember is that the ending is still the same, our goals have not changed but probably become more intensely sought after.  I have felt a stronger desire to understand God's plan.  Understand and trust in the atonement and plan of salvation and to truly believe in what they mean.  I can honestly say, and I have probably said this before, that the gospel is what brings peace and comfort.  I try hard not to fall into the trap of wondering about the why's and the what if's... what if he was diagnosed sooner.  Why didn't I know, as his mother, that something was wrong?  He should be here playing with his daughter, hugging his wife and making us laugh and smile.    I want to hear him play his guitar and sing to Aspen, Taleena and all his family.  I even miss the mini heart attacks he'd give us because that guy had no fear and the list goes on and on.  Daren and Daniel will be going bear hunting this year and it won't be the same not having Cole there.  But I KNOW that in time we will be with him again because of a loving Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ that made eternal life and eternal families possible.  Oh how blessed we are!

One of the many memories is the summer, right before they moved back to Cedar, Erika and Kaity had a dance competition at Lagoon.  Taleena, Aspen and Cole were able to come and watch them.  Taleena and Aspen left after the competition to go spend some time with family.  Cole stayed and plaed with us.  We went on most of the rides and he scared Daniel to death when we all went on the ride the shoots you up a tower, I think it's called "lift off".  He kept telling Daniel that his harness was not locked and we were all pretty nervous.  But the picture that I hope I always have in my memory is when we were all running through the park to get one last ride in.  I was behind the pack a was able to see them all running.  Cole was running too, with a limp but running!  It seemed like things had come full cycle from having  a healthy boy to seeing him start to limp, then in a wheel chair unable to walk, then back to a bad limp, to a slight limp to running and healthly again.  That's how I remember Cole.  Back to running, enjoying life and taking us on another adventure.
I love you Cole.  You are always here with me and I know I will see you again some day.

Hello and Happy Thanksgiving,

A brief family update before I share some thoughts and feelings of the season.

For those of you that don't already know, my daughter Erika got her mission call to the Cincinnati  Ohio Mission!!  We are very excited for her.  She is nervous but excited.  Her mission covers parts of three states, Ohio, Kentucky and Indiana.  She leaves January 7th.  She will be speaking is sacrament meeting December 28th at 1:00.  

Addy and Kenyon are now living in Elko Nevada.  Kenyon is a police officer for Elko City.  We are very excited for them to be settling into thier new residence and new job.  Addy starts back up with online school through Utah State in Janruary.   I don't know if she is too excited about that but she is excited to get finished up.

I am looking forward to completing this semester as well!  It will be nice to do more than work and study!  Today I got up at 6:00 and worked on a project for one of my classes until 3:00, holy cow, my goal was to have it finished by noon but nope.  Oh well, it did get finished and I am soooo happy.  I only had 2 other assignments due tonight by 10:00 and yipee they are completed at well.  I should be reading for an upcoming final but I thought I would take a minute and write since it has been a while.

Wow, it's Thanksgiving again.  Yesterday morning I got a call from my "little" brother!  (Thanks John!)  It was great to talk to him.  He was just wondering how I was doing and I have to say... this is one of the hardest holidays for me.  Just over a year ago when Cole was so sick I just knew by Thanksgiving he would be better.  We could put all that cancer crap to rest and enjoy life again.  Get back to the way things were.  But that just didn't happen.  One thing is true though, Cole is OK.  He does not have to live in a body that is filled with pain and restrictions.  In Relief Society the R.S. President shared with us something she learned as she was reading about one ladies experiences with geneology.  This lady said, "our loved ones that have passed to the next life do not like to be called dead... they are very much alive!"  This helped me to not be discouraged but to remember that Cole and my Dad are very much alive and are watching over us.  I liked how Elder Scott said he knows his wife is watching over him and helping him.  I know I am not the only one missing loved ones each and every day.  To all of you I wish you peace and comfort through the holidays and the whole year.

Love you all,
Cami

I want to start out this post with some great news.... Addy's husband Kenyon graduated from the police academy!  He did really well and ranked very high in his class.  I know he studied very hard and went through quite a bit to make it through a very rigorous training.   GREAT JOB KENYON!!!  Now they will be off to .... not sure yet but somewhere in Nevada.

I have wondered if I wanted to post this but it is a big part of my life so here goes... well first off I know there are many people who are not big pet lovers like me so this will probably sound silly to you but for me it is very difficult.  On Friday my little Tilly (a Maltese Shitzu) was hit by a car and this time she didn't make it.  She was out for her little visit to see my neighbor Kathy.  She and Kathy walked out to get Kathy's mail when a car drove by.  Tilly could not resist and off she ran.  I heard her barking as she ran after the car. I came out to call her home when I saw Kathy and she said "Tilly's been hit".  I saw Tilly and froze I couldn't bare to see her hurt but Kathy headed over to her so I did also.  Kathy picked her up and then I took her.  Tilly must have died just before we got to her because she just laid in my arms as I carried her to the house.    We took her inside and laid her in the living room and we all just sobbed, Kathy , Kaitlyn and I.   She looked like she was just resting.  Her body was not broken but somehow she was not alive.  We tried to massage her chest to she if we could bring her back and that is when the first flood of memories came back.... the day my dad passed away the paramedics worked for a long time as we waited for the ambulance to arrive but it didn't work.

The next flood of memories came when we decided we needed to do something with Tilly.  I went and got a blanket to wrap her up in.  But I could not totally cover her face... the night Cole passed, I can't get this out of my mind, when they covered  his face with the blanket and took him away.  I'm not comparing the heartache I felt that night with Cole to the loss of Tilly but Tilly helped me through this tough last year and I will miss her dearly.  When I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning , I would,  to take her for a walk.  She was always there to welcome me home or to just sit on my lap no matter what I was doing.  She was a great little companion..and losing Tilly sent me into a tail spin of memories.  I became so physically sick I had to go to bed. My head hurt so bad I could hardly stand it and I just felt so sick.   Kathy covered Tilly up and put her in a box.  Kaity came and laid by me.  That's all I remember until the next morning.

I'm ok now.  Still missing Cole, my Dad and Tilly... but I always will.

Today I got up early, I couldn't sleep.  So I went into my classroom and spent a few hours so I would be ready for my students on Tuesday.  Now I'm going to head back and get the family up.  It's time to get the party started!  Kjerstin and her girls are coming over to spend the day!  There are always good memories to make that help us through the difficult times.

Some good news.  I got all my assignments completed for all three classes last night so today I will enjoy the holiday with my family!!!  No homework today!

Happy Labor Day!

Hello,
School is back in session and life is pretty busy trying to get organized and everyone back into a routine.  There are violin & piano lessons to schedule, school schedules to get worked out and then there is getting all my students assessed and challenged.  I have another great class this year!  Oh and I almost forgot... the 3 classes I'm taking online.  Yep, it's going to be a great but busy year.

As many of my family know we lost another awesome lady in our family, my Grandma Bernitta Mecham.  She will truly be missed.  She will always be remember by many things... the funny faces she pulled, her talent for making dish clothes and rag rugs and her generosity.  She would always ask if you needed any.  Then she would open up her basket and there would be a dozen or more and I would always take a few.  They were the best dish clothes!  And you never left her house without her offering a cookie or a pepermint.  Some of my favorite memories were going on the Easter picnics when I was little.  She is one of the reasons Easter is my favorite holiday. Many great memories in Axtel.

Grandma passed away on July 22.  The day before, I was on a jog and was thinking a lot about my pioneer heritage.  I was thinking how hard it must have been to lose so many family member as they made their trek out west.  When I jog my eyes seem to "sweat" quite a bit and that day I was feeling like those pioneers, having lost three very close family members in just under a month.  Not knowing that another loved one was going to pass the very next day.  I remember thinking about how I could somewhat relate to thier hard experiences and my hope that day and now is that I can be as strong and  faithful.  Dang life can be hard at times, I can not imagine not having the blessing of the covenants we are able to make while on this journey on earth, especially the temple sealings.  Those blessings are amazing.  But some days it seems like it will be forever before I am able to realize those blessings.  It was good when Cole was on his mission to Portugal, I had his return date! I knew when I would see him again.  Now the date for our reunion is the end of my mission on earth or the return of our Savior, which ever comes first.  Time will tell.  So for now I have to remember the advice Cole gave us... "do not lose your faith, everything will be ok, it's all good...."   I miss you Cole and some days I have to rely on your faith when I don't know if mine is enough.  

God bless you all and Hang In There!  A loving Heavenly Father and His Son are there to give us the strength  we need if we will only ask...

I had a great talk with Taleena yesterday.  It seems when I am down she, of all people because I should be comforting her, is the one that really helps me get my eternal perspective back.  She helps me make sense of this crazy life and I feel renewed, positive and grateful.  We have really been missing Cole even more lately.  But as a good friend, thanks Rob, reminds me it is ok to miss him.  With the weather so nice there are so many things he would be doing.  I wonder if he is rock climbing in Heaven??

Today Sophie is having surgery.  She has a tumor under her eyebrow.  It will be nice to get it removed.  I am going to meet them back in Enterprise after she has recovered and is released from the hospital.  I pray all goes well and she recovers quickly.  She is such a cute little munchkin!

Sophie, Kjerstin and Rylee

This is a picture at Cole's SUU Graduation.

While I was out jogging a few days ago I had time to reflect some about this year.  First of all, my exercise program went from jogging to wogging (1/2 walk, 1/2 jog ) to walking to waddling. (Because I wasn't eating too healthy either)  After Cole passed away I didn't have much desire to exercise and I didn't care what I was eating but I soon found out that no amount of junk food would fill the void I felt.  One day after school I was talking to Debbie (my coworker and friend) and telling her about my lack of motivation and she made a comment of being able to live well the days we have.  I thought of my dad and how his health was poor and it limited the activites he could do.  He was really getting tired of those limitations and struggling to do what he wanted.  That realization hit me that I needed to be healthy for me and the family I have here to take care of, and my cute little students!   Honestly before we talked I had lost so many family members that I didn't  think it would be all that bad to join them.  My husband said I was losing faith.  I told him I was not I just wasn't afraid to die and that I would be in good company.  This sounds like I was suicidal but I wasn't, I didn't think of taking my life,  but I did need to change my attitude.  I know it will be a grand reunion when I pass from this life but I also know that making the most of each day on earth is important and it needs to be filled with faith, hope and happiness.  I pray a lot for comfort, peace and understanding and I have been blessed with further knowledge and awareness of blessings.   I continue to study from church leaders to strengthen my understanding of the gospel. I need to continue to trust in God's plan and adjust to the reality of life without Cole, my Dad and Grandma Nellie... for a time.   I have felt so much comfort, love and peace.  That in no way means I don't miss them and sometimes  wonder how long until we see them again.  I am really looking forward to that great big hug and to see Cole's awesome smile and watch my Dad laugh... but Cole set a really good example of living life to the fullest, to the very last breath we take.  And I will, some days will be better then others I'm sure.

Back to when I was jogging, I had prayed for the desire to get back into taking good care of myself and I was doing better but not fully committed. Then one day as I had lined up my student to go to the library, they were all lined up and I was standing facing them and the little boy in the from of the line reached out and patty my tummy and said, with this funny grin, "FLUFFY".  I couldn't help but laugh and suck in my tummy.  And yes the next day I started jogging again!!  (Prayers are sometimes answered in crazy ways!)  I think this little guy has been my guardian angel this year.  I think I wrote about the time when the students were working on an art project and were gathered around a table and they randomly starting singing "A Child's Prayer".  I was standing behind them at the counter and as I turned around this little boy looked up and sang the words, "pray, he is there"  then he turned around and kept on working as if nothing special had happened.  This little guy each morning before school would pop in, give me a "good morning Mrs. Lovell",  then off he would go.  He didn't know that the beginning of the day I was usually more emotional but a loving, ever watchful Heavenly Father knew and sent not only this little boy but many others to lift my spirits and give me comfort.

Katilyn , my daughter, has taken extra care of me always checking to see if I'm ok and giving me extra hugs.
Yes life is good.  Not always easy or understandable but good.  I am starting to realize the small blessings along the way and am grateful for them.