Hello and Happy Thanksgiving,

A brief family update before I share some thoughts and feelings of the season.

For those of you that don't already know, my daughter Erika got her mission call to the Cincinnati  Ohio Mission!!  We are very excited for her.  She is nervous but excited.  Her mission covers parts of three states, Ohio, Kentucky and Indiana.  She leaves January 7th.  She will be speaking is sacrament meeting December 28th at 1:00.  

Addy and Kenyon are now living in Elko Nevada.  Kenyon is a police officer for Elko City.  We are very excited for them to be settling into thier new residence and new job.  Addy starts back up with online school through Utah State in Janruary.   I don't know if she is too excited about that but she is excited to get finished up.

I am looking forward to completing this semester as well!  It will be nice to do more than work and study!  Today I got up at 6:00 and worked on a project for one of my classes until 3:00, holy cow, my goal was to have it finished by noon but nope.  Oh well, it did get finished and I am soooo happy.  I only had 2 other assignments due tonight by 10:00 and yipee they are completed at well.  I should be reading for an upcoming final but I thought I would take a minute and write since it has been a while.

Wow, it's Thanksgiving again.  Yesterday morning I got a call from my "little" brother!  (Thanks John!)  It was great to talk to him.  He was just wondering how I was doing and I have to say... this is one of the hardest holidays for me.  Just over a year ago when Cole was so sick I just knew by Thanksgiving he would be better.  We could put all that cancer crap to rest and enjoy life again.  Get back to the way things were.  But that just didn't happen.  One thing is true though, Cole is OK.  He does not have to live in a body that is filled with pain and restrictions.  In Relief Society the R.S. President shared with us something she learned as she was reading about one ladies experiences with geneology.  This lady said, "our loved ones that have passed to the next life do not like to be called dead... they are very much alive!"  This helped me to not be discouraged but to remember that Cole and my Dad are very much alive and are watching over us.  I liked how Elder Scott said he knows his wife is watching over him and helping him.  I know I am not the only one missing loved ones each and every day.  To all of you I wish you peace and comfort through the holidays and the whole year.

Love you all,
Cami

I want to start out this post with some great news.... Addy's husband Kenyon graduated from the police academy!  He did really well and ranked very high in his class.  I know he studied very hard and went through quite a bit to make it through a very rigorous training.   GREAT JOB KENYON!!!  Now they will be off to .... not sure yet but somewhere in Nevada.

I have wondered if I wanted to post this but it is a big part of my life so here goes... well first off I know there are many people who are not big pet lovers like me so this will probably sound silly to you but for me it is very difficult.  On Friday my little Tilly (a Maltese Shitzu) was hit by a car and this time she didn't make it.  She was out for her little visit to see my neighbor Kathy.  She and Kathy walked out to get Kathy's mail when a car drove by.  Tilly could not resist and off she ran.  I heard her barking as she ran after the car. I came out to call her home when I saw Kathy and she said "Tilly's been hit".  I saw Tilly and froze I couldn't bare to see her hurt but Kathy headed over to her so I did also.  Kathy picked her up and then I took her.  Tilly must have died just before we got to her because she just laid in my arms as I carried her to the house.    We took her inside and laid her in the living room and we all just sobbed, Kathy , Kaitlyn and I.   She looked like she was just resting.  Her body was not broken but somehow she was not alive.  We tried to massage her chest to she if we could bring her back and that is when the first flood of memories came back.... the day my dad passed away the paramedics worked for a long time as we waited for the ambulance to arrive but it didn't work.

The next flood of memories came when we decided we needed to do something with Tilly.  I went and got a blanket to wrap her up in.  But I could not totally cover her face... the night Cole passed, I can't get this out of my mind, when they covered  his face with the blanket and took him away.  I'm not comparing the heartache I felt that night with Cole to the loss of Tilly but Tilly helped me through this tough last year and I will miss her dearly.  When I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning , I would,  to take her for a walk.  She was always there to welcome me home or to just sit on my lap no matter what I was doing.  She was a great little companion..and losing Tilly sent me into a tail spin of memories.  I became so physically sick I had to go to bed. My head hurt so bad I could hardly stand it and I just felt so sick.   Kathy covered Tilly up and put her in a box.  Kaity came and laid by me.  That's all I remember until the next morning.

I'm ok now.  Still missing Cole, my Dad and Tilly... but I always will.

Today I got up early, I couldn't sleep.  So I went into my classroom and spent a few hours so I would be ready for my students on Tuesday.  Now I'm going to head back and get the family up.  It's time to get the party started!  Kjerstin and her girls are coming over to spend the day!  There are always good memories to make that help us through the difficult times.

Some good news.  I got all my assignments completed for all three classes last night so today I will enjoy the holiday with my family!!!  No homework today!

Happy Labor Day!

Hello,
School is back in session and life is pretty busy trying to get organized and everyone back into a routine.  There are violin & piano lessons to schedule, school schedules to get worked out and then there is getting all my students assessed and challenged.  I have another great class this year!  Oh and I almost forgot... the 3 classes I'm taking online.  Yep, it's going to be a great but busy year.

As many of my family know we lost another awesome lady in our family, my Grandma Bernitta Mecham.  She will truly be missed.  She will always be remember by many things... the funny faces she pulled, her talent for making dish clothes and rag rugs and her generosity.  She would always ask if you needed any.  Then she would open up her basket and there would be a dozen or more and I would always take a few.  They were the best dish clothes!  And you never left her house without her offering a cookie or a pepermint.  Some of my favorite memories were going on the Easter picnics when I was little.  She is one of the reasons Easter is my favorite holiday. Many great memories in Axtel.

Grandma passed away on July 22.  The day before, I was on a jog and was thinking a lot about my pioneer heritage.  I was thinking how hard it must have been to lose so many family member as they made their trek out west.  When I jog my eyes seem to "sweat" quite a bit and that day I was feeling like those pioneers, having lost three very close family members in just under a month.  Not knowing that another loved one was going to pass the very next day.  I remember thinking about how I could somewhat relate to thier hard experiences and my hope that day and now is that I can be as strong and  faithful.  Dang life can be hard at times, I can not imagine not having the blessing of the covenants we are able to make while on this journey on earth, especially the temple sealings.  Those blessings are amazing.  But some days it seems like it will be forever before I am able to realize those blessings.  It was good when Cole was on his mission to Portugal, I had his return date! I knew when I would see him again.  Now the date for our reunion is the end of my mission on earth or the return of our Savior, which ever comes first.  Time will tell.  So for now I have to remember the advice Cole gave us... "do not lose your faith, everything will be ok, it's all good...."   I miss you Cole and some days I have to rely on your faith when I don't know if mine is enough.  

God bless you all and Hang In There!  A loving Heavenly Father and His Son are there to give us the strength  we need if we will only ask...

I had a great talk with Taleena yesterday.  It seems when I am down she, of all people because I should be comforting her, is the one that really helps me get my eternal perspective back.  She helps me make sense of this crazy life and I feel renewed, positive and grateful.  We have really been missing Cole even more lately.  But as a good friend, thanks Rob, reminds me it is ok to miss him.  With the weather so nice there are so many things he would be doing.  I wonder if he is rock climbing in Heaven??

Today Sophie is having surgery.  She has a tumor under her eyebrow.  It will be nice to get it removed.  I am going to meet them back in Enterprise after she has recovered and is released from the hospital.  I pray all goes well and she recovers quickly.  She is such a cute little munchkin!

Sophie, Kjerstin and Rylee

This is a picture at Cole's SUU Graduation.

While I was out jogging a few days ago I had time to reflect some about this year.  First of all, my exercise program went from jogging to wogging (1/2 walk, 1/2 jog ) to walking to waddling. (Because I wasn't eating too healthy either)  After Cole passed away I didn't have much desire to exercise and I didn't care what I was eating but I soon found out that no amount of junk food would fill the void I felt.  One day after school I was talking to Debbie (my coworker and friend) and telling her about my lack of motivation and she made a comment of being able to live well the days we have.  I thought of my dad and how his health was poor and it limited the activites he could do.  He was really getting tired of those limitations and struggling to do what he wanted.  That realization hit me that I needed to be healthy for me and the family I have here to take care of, and my cute little students!   Honestly before we talked I had lost so many family members that I didn't  think it would be all that bad to join them.  My husband said I was losing faith.  I told him I was not I just wasn't afraid to die and that I would be in good company.  This sounds like I was suicidal but I wasn't, I didn't think of taking my life,  but I did need to change my attitude.  I know it will be a grand reunion when I pass from this life but I also know that making the most of each day on earth is important and it needs to be filled with faith, hope and happiness.  I pray a lot for comfort, peace and understanding and I have been blessed with further knowledge and awareness of blessings.   I continue to study from church leaders to strengthen my understanding of the gospel. I need to continue to trust in God's plan and adjust to the reality of life without Cole, my Dad and Grandma Nellie... for a time.   I have felt so much comfort, love and peace.  That in no way means I don't miss them and sometimes  wonder how long until we see them again.  I am really looking forward to that great big hug and to see Cole's awesome smile and watch my Dad laugh... but Cole set a really good example of living life to the fullest, to the very last breath we take.  And I will, some days will be better then others I'm sure.

Back to when I was jogging, I had prayed for the desire to get back into taking good care of myself and I was doing better but not fully committed. Then one day as I had lined up my student to go to the library, they were all lined up and I was standing facing them and the little boy in the from of the line reached out and patty my tummy and said, with this funny grin, "FLUFFY".  I couldn't help but laugh and suck in my tummy.  And yes the next day I started jogging again!!  (Prayers are sometimes answered in crazy ways!)  I think this little guy has been my guardian angel this year.  I think I wrote about the time when the students were working on an art project and were gathered around a table and they randomly starting singing "A Child's Prayer".  I was standing behind them at the counter and as I turned around this little boy looked up and sang the words, "pray, he is there"  then he turned around and kept on working as if nothing special had happened.  This little guy each morning before school would pop in, give me a "good morning Mrs. Lovell",  then off he would go.  He didn't know that the beginning of the day I was usually more emotional but a loving, ever watchful Heavenly Father knew and sent not only this little boy but many others to lift my spirits and give me comfort.

Katilyn , my daughter, has taken extra care of me always checking to see if I'm ok and giving me extra hugs.
Yes life is good.  Not always easy or understandable but good.  I am starting to realize the small blessings along the way and am grateful for them.

So many thoughts go through my mind of what I want to write.  But each time I sit down to write my mind goes blank.  As I was at "Time Out for Women" ,with some of my awesome family, I wrote down some of those thoughts.

But first let me catch up on what's been happening with the Lovell's.

Daniel competed with the water polo team in the summer games.  They got the silver medal!!  I have to admit those caps are pretty funny looking!  ha ha

I have been writing down some of my thoughts because it seems that every time I sit down at this computer I can't think of what I'd like to share.
But before I get all philosophical let me tell of our "family happenings".

I last posted about events in January, February and March.  In April Kenyon and Addy took us to the Clark County fair for my birthday!  It was a lot of fun.  The rodeo was the best I have been to in a long time.

Daniel and Kaitlyn

Daren and I, with our Kanab buddies went for a ride down to Lake Havasu.   It was a great ride!  When we arrived at our destination we were all pretty hot.  The temperature was in the 90's.  We were all geared up in our leathers or other gear and it's great when you are moving but when you stop and it's that hot....

dipping our feet in the pool felt heavenly!

Daren and I at the London Bridge

Easter was different this year.  We usually go camping but Daniel had water polo so we just went out west for a picnic and to roll our easter eggs.  But that morning we had our big Easter Egg Hunt and had to find where that crazy rabbit had hidden all the Easter Baskets!

After watching Daniel play water polo we headed out for our picnic.   The stakes were high this year for the Egg Rolling Contest... the winner would take home the amazing trophy!

As you can see Taleena and Aspen won!!!  Kaity and Daniel were in a close 2nd but the scale tipped to Taleena when the judge Duke admitted he didn't want the trophy at our house.  He is crazy!!  It is truly an honor to house that awesome trophy until the next big Easter Egg Rolling Contest!

April has been a good month!  My birthday was wonderful.   It started out by my awesome students bringing me some cute gifts!  Erika took me out to lunch!  We went to this smoothie place in town and got tacos and smoothies, YUM!  Daren surprised me by coming to the smoothie shop with birthday flowers and some wonderful news!  He got a phone call from the president of SUU regarding Cole.  He told Daren that Cole was well on his way to getting his degree and the university wanted to present one of us with it at SUU's graduation.  We were overcome with joy and gratitude for them remembering Cole and wanting to recognize him!

Graduation was on Friday and it was an emotional day but a good one.  As I walked from the parking lot to the centrum many graduates were in their robs anxious to get to their graduation ceremony.  I had to fight back tears and the realization hit me that even though I was there for Cole I would not actually get to see him accept his degree.  I know he was there and walked across that stage with Taleena as they told about his accomplishments, fight with cancer,  and his death.  As Taleena walked off the stage she received a standing ovation as the crowd stood to honor her and Cole.  

Probably the hardest part of the day was during the ceremony when all the graduates came walking into the centrum and a cute little girl behind us started saying, "where's my daddy?"  and then when she saw him she was so excited and " yelled a few times, "there's Daddy, there's Daddy!"  Taleena broke down and I couldn't hold back the tears either.  What a bitter sweet day.  (I will post pictures soon.)

We are so grateful to SUU for honoring Cole.  The administration at SUU have been amazing!

I have run out of time.  Sometime, hopefully soon, I'll write about my healing process and progress.

I don't know if the sound will work but this is a short little video I found.  He made this right before he was leaving Portugal.  He had very mixed feelings that day.  As I was talking to a friend we started comparing the feelings of his last day in Portugal and his last day in this life.  Such mixed emotions, struggling to leave those he loved behind but knowing it was time for the next part of his "journey".  Sure miss that smile, sure miss my boy.

 

 Taleena threw a big Birthday Party for Cole.  We had all his favorite foods and treats!  We sent birthday wishes to him in blue balloons, his favorite color.





Aspen in her party hat!

We are all ready to go to Addy and Kenyon reception in Alamo!  We are at Kenyon's parents home in Alamo.  The day before was the big wedding in St. George and the reception in Enoch.  It all turned out so wonderful!!  I'm having technical difficulties downloading pictures of the wedding.  I can't believe I can't show you the beautiful bride and handsome groom.  (Next post, stay tuned.)

Aspen's 1st Birthday!!!  She's growing up!

The Enoch Stake Presidency's Wives and Sister Worthen.  Her husband was the presiding Seventy that taught us and presided at our stake conference.  He is now the president of BYU.  We enjoyed them and learned a lot from them.  Sister Worthen seemed like a long time friend, we hit it off!  She reminded me of another long time friend, Rebecca that would be you!

What a ride!!  Daren, Erika and I headed down to St. George for an exciting adventure.  Erika was suppose to be back for a class but was not able to make it.  We drifted HIGH above those Washington farms but with little wind we made slow progress to our destination.  She had to email her professor using my smart phone and tell him she was stuck in a hot air balloon and would not be able to make it to class.  He emailed her back telling her that she received the prize for the most unique reason for missing class.  She assured him she had pictures to prove the validity of her excuse!

Can I just say I hate cancer?  Well I do, but as Cole's hospice nurse said, "God doesn't go around giving people cancer, but he will use it as a means to bring some of his children back home when it is their time".  I'm sure that wasn't word for word but basically what he said.
Jay Holt, a dear friend, passed away a few weeks ago.  What a great man!  He first got cancer about 8 years ago.  He had surgery and was doing great until around March 2013 when he found out it was back. The doctors removed one of his kidneys.  We stopped by to see him as we were making the trip back to Cedar with Cole. Cole had just finished with Chemo and radiation and was doing well.  Jay on the other hand wasn't.  But Jay recovered after surgery and some time with chemo.  He then came down to Cedar after Cole found out his cancer was back .  Jay cheered him on and gave him encouragement.  Jay was able to make another trip to see Cole and Taleena a few weeks later and let them know how much he loved them.  Jay's recovery was short lived as was Cole's.  We had to say another good bye but just for a short time, even though right now it doesn't feel so short.  But we are blessed to KNOW we will see them again and they are cheering us on from the other side of the veil and helping us all they can.

Jay, Daren and Cole

This is Kjerstin and Kurtis's cute baby Rylee Jo!  Our third granddaughter!!  She is such a blessing and joy to our family.   Her big sister Sophie loves her sooo much.

I've set a goal to post today!  Sometime after church.  It has been quite a while.

It has been awhile since I last posted.  We have definitely had our good days and bad.  There is not a day that goes by without many thoughts of Cole and how much we miss him.  I figure this summer when I am not so busy with school I will let myself mourn the loss of my Dad and grandma.  I have had more to try to understand with Cole.  When I am discouraged or feel overwhelmed I try to remember that God does love us and this will all make sense when I am on the other side of the veil and can see how all our experiences have worked to benefit us.

We have been busy getting ready for Adelyn's wedding.  I have to admit it took my brain a while to be able to focus on all that needs to be done for this awesome occasion.  But plans are going well.  We are so excited for Adelyn and Kenyon.  They will live in Henderson while Kenyon is in the police academy.  Adelyn is finishing her degree at USU online.

Taleena is working hard at being an awesome student to attain her teaching degree.  Aspen gets to spend time with her Grandma Hogreen while her Mommy is at school.  Taleena's Mom comes down to Cedar Mon- Wednesday to help her with Aspen.  Aspen's pretty lucky.  I'm looking forward to my week off in February to get my turn babysitting!

Kjerstin is due the end of March.... it's a girl!