I had a great talk with Taleena yesterday.  It seems when I am down she, of all people because I should be comforting her, is the one that really helps me get my eternal perspective back.  She helps me make sense of this crazy life and I feel renewed, positive and grateful.  We have really been missing Cole even more lately.  But as a good friend, thanks Rob, reminds me it is ok to miss him.  With the weather so nice there are so many things he would be doing.  I wonder if he is rock climbing in Heaven??

Today Sophie is having surgery.  She has a tumor under her eyebrow.  It will be nice to get it removed.  I am going to meet them back in Enterprise after she has recovered and is released from the hospital.  I pray all goes well and she recovers quickly.  She is such a cute little munchkin!

Sophie, Kjerstin and Rylee

This is a picture at Cole's SUU Graduation.

While I was out jogging a few days ago I had time to reflect some about this year.  First of all, my exercise program went from jogging to wogging (1/2 walk, 1/2 jog ) to walking to waddling. (Because I wasn't eating too healthy either)  After Cole passed away I didn't have much desire to exercise and I didn't care what I was eating but I soon found out that no amount of junk food would fill the void I felt.  One day after school I was talking to Debbie (my coworker and friend) and telling her about my lack of motivation and she made a comment of being able to live well the days we have.  I thought of my dad and how his health was poor and it limited the activites he could do.  He was really getting tired of those limitations and struggling to do what he wanted.  That realization hit me that I needed to be healthy for me and the family I have here to take care of, and my cute little students!   Honestly before we talked I had lost so many family members that I didn't  think it would be all that bad to join them.  My husband said I was losing faith.  I told him I was not I just wasn't afraid to die and that I would be in good company.  This sounds like I was suicidal but I wasn't, I didn't think of taking my life,  but I did need to change my attitude.  I know it will be a grand reunion when I pass from this life but I also know that making the most of each day on earth is important and it needs to be filled with faith, hope and happiness.  I pray a lot for comfort, peace and understanding and I have been blessed with further knowledge and awareness of blessings.   I continue to study from church leaders to strengthen my understanding of the gospel. I need to continue to trust in God's plan and adjust to the reality of life without Cole, my Dad and Grandma Nellie... for a time.   I have felt so much comfort, love and peace.  That in no way means I don't miss them and sometimes  wonder how long until we see them again.  I am really looking forward to that great big hug and to see Cole's awesome smile and watch my Dad laugh... but Cole set a really good example of living life to the fullest, to the very last breath we take.  And I will, some days will be better then others I'm sure.

Back to when I was jogging, I had prayed for the desire to get back into taking good care of myself and I was doing better but not fully committed. Then one day as I had lined up my student to go to the library, they were all lined up and I was standing facing them and the little boy in the from of the line reached out and patty my tummy and said, with this funny grin, "FLUFFY".  I couldn't help but laugh and suck in my tummy.  And yes the next day I started jogging again!!  (Prayers are sometimes answered in crazy ways!)  I think this little guy has been my guardian angel this year.  I think I wrote about the time when the students were working on an art project and were gathered around a table and they randomly starting singing "A Child's Prayer".  I was standing behind them at the counter and as I turned around this little boy looked up and sang the words, "pray, he is there"  then he turned around and kept on working as if nothing special had happened.  This little guy each morning before school would pop in, give me a "good morning Mrs. Lovell",  then off he would go.  He didn't know that the beginning of the day I was usually more emotional but a loving, ever watchful Heavenly Father knew and sent not only this little boy but many others to lift my spirits and give me comfort.

Katilyn , my daughter, has taken extra care of me always checking to see if I'm ok and giving me extra hugs.
Yes life is good.  Not always easy or understandable but good.  I am starting to realize the small blessings along the way and am grateful for them.