I need to start sharing some of the awesome memories that were made the last few weeks of Cole's life.  I'll get to those soon.  But last night Daren and I went to the movie, Saratov Approach, about the missionaries that were kidnapped in Russia.  It was a good movie.  And of course the whole time I was thinking of Cole.  The night Cole passed away, Ethan (Cole's hospice nurse)  leaned over to me and said, " you have experienced your Abahamic trial, except you did not get to keep your "Isaac".   I try not to question why Cole needed to go so soon.  I have to remind myself that our Heavenly Father knew all along that he would be calling Cole home November 2nd 2013.  I know his plan is for our growth and our good and if we could see the whole picture as God does we would have no saddness.  I'm glad we have so many opportunities to see a glimpses of the big picture! Though at times we don't understand we have faith and more then that we know everything will work out and we need to put our full trust in our Heavenly Father and His plan.  I was glad those missionary parents got to keep their sons.  As I watched the movie I came to the realization, as I did with Cole, that if they needed to die that "it would all be OK"  just like Cole kept telling me.  The gospel of Jesus Christ is real.  He lives and loves us and knows each of us individually and fully.  He understands our heartaches and joys.  That really came into focus for me when in the movie a man called one of the missionaries parents and told of his story, when he was kidnapped in Argentina.  As he described the feelings he went through and ultimately realized Christ like love for everyone, even his captors, my testimony was strenghtened.  There is a purpose in life and God's plan is what brings true joy and peace.  I did have painful thoughts of wishing Cole could still be here with us physically just like those parents were able to be with their sons but we will be with him again.  One of my favorite sayings that has sustained me is " Life isn't fair, but Eternity is! "  Everyday, most of the day, I am missing and thinking of Cole.  But I feel him near very often and know he and our Savior Jesus Christ are giving us strength, understanding and comfort.  I am so thankful to have Taleena and Aspen!  We love them so much.  What a huge blessing they are to us!  This big change in their lives is not an easy one to say the least and she has her difficult times but Taleena has such faith and knowledge of the gospel that she is constantly amazing me and strengthening all those around her.  I can not thank everyone enough for the prayers, financial support, uplifting notes and love we feel from you.
Thank you and God bless  :)

You may already know the news about my son.  He passed away early Saturday morning, November the 2nd.  Even as I write this it doesn't seem real.  I really felt he was going to be healed.  The last  several weeks I have to admit I was given more insight on God's plan for Cole and a greater understanding of the purpose of this life and the reassurance that this life is not the end but a mere moment in our progression. 
Cole made it clear that each day is important , and we live to do our very best with no regrets.  We have seen many miracles along the way. After Cole was given 1-2 weeks to live the cancer stopped growing for 2 weeks!  His oxygen levels increased and we saw progress.  We were given this miracle, not the one I was anticipating, but a miracle non the less.  Then the cancer took over again.   He fought a good fight and The Lord was pleased with his efforts.  Cole and his wife are amazing.  They have handled this trial with faith, strength and have set a grand example of enduring to the end.  Cole and Taleena  have an eternal marriage and we will all be together again.  I have to hold strong to the truthfulness of the gospel to be able to also endure to the end.  

Cole gave us a lot of good profound counsel.  I feel very blessed to have been able to be with my whole little family plus Grandma MaryAnn, his aunt Janeen, Taleena's brother Sheldon and his wife Becca, the night of his passing.  We were able to all visit with him as a group and then one on one.  He was making us laugh and of course we cried a lot but he taught and inspired us until the very end.  

So much still to process.
That's all I can write for now.